Many people are sceptical when a woman says she was victimized by her husband, overlooking that sex in marriage should be consensual.
Eden Strong of Your Tango pens an article on the rape of couples and how prevalent it is in our modern world.
Many people are sceptical when women claim that they were sexually assaulted by her husband, not realizing that sexual sex during the marriage is supposed to be consensual, not one-sided.
Every bride would like their wedding night to be the perfect day of their life, but how do you handle it with the fact that it’s not perfect, particularly when the reason for your sadness is your partner whom you have has promised to love until death do us part?
Learn how one woman received much more than she bargained at her reception
I was sick on the day before my wedding and was struggling to get through the ceremony and reception. When we got to our room I was trying to avoid collapsing into a swollen heap beneath my gown. I’ve always imagined getting married on my wedding night , and I wanted that moment to be the perfect thing I’d always hoped it could be. I was in love with my husband and wanted to gift him something truly special, not a unfinished attempt at a feverish pace, so I informed him that I’d like to wait until the morning.
Then he started taking off the white dress I was wearing.
I began crying and told him that I was scared, but he assured me that everyone was scared their first experience.
I tried to rise; however, he put me down, telling me that, as my husband, I should trust that he understood the right thing to do.
I informed him that I would like to see if I could feel well, and he assured me he’d been waiting for long enough.
I’m not sure about what happened following the initial battle. The only thing I can remember is that for a moment I was a virgin, and then … I was not. I remember sobbing. “That was terrible,” he spewed at me. “I cannot believe that I waited this long for this.” He put his arms around me in a trap-like grip. I could not escape from his grip, his tone changed from angry to stern when the man said, “I’ll show you what you must do in the future and teach you. I’m your wife now, you’re supposed to be having sexual relations.” His words seemed to be more of a statement than a statement of reassurance.
And there we were my virginity was gone as well as my heart breaking. I felt like I had let him down.
I felt like I had let myself down.
A lot of thoughts ran through my mind: Why did I not get to be one of them wives? Why did I need the nerve to ruin my first meeting? What was the reason I didn’t succeed in providing him with something I’d thought of all my life? What caused it to cause me such pain? Why was I scared? Why did I feel so dirty?
But I’ve never gotten more adept at this. “You have a hard time resisting and you cry too hard and you’re not great,” he would tell me each time we had sexual relations. “I am not even able to come because you’re crying so hard I’m not able to even look at you.” Finally, I would hear him scream at me as his body smashed the air from my chest. “You’ll need to do better this time.”
It was me who the wife was. The idea of sexual relations is to occur during the marriage. What if I was not like other wives? Why did I fail him so badly? What was it that made the thought of his name make my stomach turn, and the feel of his skin against mine made me wish I was a million miles away?
At some point, I have stopped saying”no. “No” was not a sign of anything at all. The fight was futile, and his tears only made him get angry with me. I began to believe I was a horrible wife and that terrible wife required their husbands to take them off their feet.
It didn’t take long before I began to disappear. There was no better place than where I was, and nothing could be more satisfying than being the shadow of my insanity. Every night, as he’d climb up over me, my body would be there, but my mind would drift into a realm that didn’t have him in and where I did not exist.
The years passed, and kids were born. Sexual relations never got better, and he didn’t get any more gentle. I was never able to be nice to him in the way the man he wanted.
He eventually found women that could.
After his departure, I am aware that even though we were all together in the church and promised to show each other respect, love, dedication, honour, and loyalty, he’s the one who failed to keep our vows. I showed him my love, respect, respect and commitment, and He took everything.
Sometimes I’m left wondering how I took this long time to understand the importance of this concept that “no” does not mean “no” and rape is a form of rape. It’s probably because rape, unfortunately, remains a very fluid assertion. “She has been drinking,” they say. “She was a teasing victim,” say others. There are many motives and excuses and gray areas that force the victim into blame and create an unsettling place in which facts are buried.
“I’m happily married,” I told myself.
I said “I do,” but I never said yes. And as soon as I said no, it became rape.