What is jealousy?
I describe jealousy as a mixed feeling comprising anger, fear, humiliation and general lack of self-worth. Harboring such an emotion can cripple you both mentally and physically, and here is how I get rid of it:
1. I find the reason why I am jealous
Jealousy is one negative emotion that leads to the path of self-destruction if not checked immediately. It might also lead to unpleasant qualities such as possessiveness, anger outbursts and overthinking, which are sure ingredients for destroying any relationship, regardless of how rock-solid they may look like.
Once I realized my jealousy was out of control, I made sure that I was following the necessary steps to deal with it before it destroyed me. You can start by finding out why you are jealous in the first place.
After some in-depth soul searching, I realized that having extreme self-esteem issues or being in a toxic relationship can evoke a lot of jealousy. Either way, by identifying my flaws, I was able to overcome whatever was making me jealous.
2. I avoid situations and people who cause doubt in my life
If I want to successfully deal with jealousy, I identify and get rid of people who are responsible for causing it in the first place. I first start with people who make me feel as though I’m not good enough. We all have that one friend or relative who always doubts your plans, and those are the ones that got to go.
I remember when I started going to the gym, some friends openly joked about my skinny frame and how I was just wasting my time. After a while, I realized that people like these usually envy the fact that I was separating myself from their mediocrity. That way, they opted to do just about anything to make sure that I was doubting myself.
I also realized that I start experiencing feelings of jealousy towards other people’s progress, be it in marriage or sports, when I feel like I can’t do better than what I do. So, I chose to focus on myself rather than envying people whose grass looked a couple of shades greener. And the moment I did that, my life took a turn for the better.
3. I deal with jealousy by improving myself
Whenever the feelings of jealousy start crawling up my head, I immediately replace those thoughts with positive ones about improving myself. Am I jealous of a certain rapper who seems to be getting so many positive reviews?
So, what I get to do is get back to my little home office and start playing the latest beats, take a pen and paper, and start practicing on my lyrics and flow.
4. Being flexible helps me deal with feelings of jealousy
I compromise for those that I deeply care about since I realized that if you don’t, then it is easy for envy to take root in my life. So, if it’s in my marriage, I forgive and move on as quickly as I can in order to avoid brooding over issues that lead to possessiveness, which is unattractive.
5. Opening up helps me to deal with jealousy
A problem shared is a problem half-solved. That being said, whenever I start having jealousy feelings, I immediately find someone to talk to. Thankfully, I do have a lot of great people in my circle who double up as a support system.
They will always be ready to give me information and advice about my relationship problems, and through their wisdom, I can find better ways to overcome any feelings of jealousy.
Once I talk to someone, I realize that some pressure has been offloaded from my system and I can immediately replace that with positivity and nothing else. So, I always make it a habit to talk about my problems, but only to people that I trust.
6. Taking a timeout helps me to deal with jealousy
Meditation is a sure way of dealing with jealousy because it helps me to discipline my emotions. I am not perfect, no one is. So, I always make sure that I am doing all in my power to meditate at least for ten minutes every single day.
I always tell myself that I am perfect just the way I am and if there is anyone who doesn’t feel that way, then it’s their loss and not mine. I have been doing that and now it sure feels like a mantra.
7. I deal with jealousy by not being paranoid
It goes without saying that envy can end a beautiful marriage just because of the possessiveness/clinginess that comes with it. So, I made it my point to always think less, especially when it came to matters that are beyond my control.
Overthinking is the mother of paranoia, so I always try to think positive and send positive vibration into the universe and they always come back. Once again, jealousy is a weak emotion that needs to be avoided by any necessary means.
8. I deal with jealousy by having clear-cut standards
Whether in a romantic relationship or any other form of relationship, I always set certain standards and abide by them. I always make sure that I am always at my best and if someone opts to cheat on me or do anything of that ilk, it’s their loss, not mine.
I simply put up a hurdle and they just didn’t make it. So, I can’t start feeling jealous over someone who isn’t good enough for me. Did she cheat on me? Good. Then I wish her all the success in the world and I move on to something much better.
If you don’t have certain standards, you will fail to overcome anything because that is where doubts will come in. But with my standards, I always move on quickly because I have zero doubts about my abilities and well-being.
9. I don’t compare myself to my peers
Another effective way that I use to deal with jealousy is by moving at my own pace. I stopped caring about what my friends are doing a very long time ago because it hindered my progress. People work at their own times, and if my friend got a nice ride this year, maybe mine will come five years from now. So, all I do is being happy for them and continue working towards achieving my goals.
10. I embrace the positive side of a loss
I also deal with jealousy by drawing lessons from any unlucky occurrence. Did I lose money? Good, I will learn from the whole experience. I simply realized that it is going to be a tad difficult for me to cope with losses if I don’t see the positive side of things, as I would simply envy others who seem to be succeeding at the things that I am failing at.
So, whether it is a failed marriage or my previous possessiveness, I draw in the lessons and forge a way forward without having any feelings of jealousy. And just like it is the case with everything else, learning how to see the positive side of a loss, a misfortune or defeat is quite difficult. But with enough work, you can do away with jealousy.
11. I deal with jealousy by constantly evaluating my relationships
Let’s face it, most people who are in our lives don’t deserve a seat at our table. That is why I take the time to evaluate each and every relationship that I find myself in. Most of the jealousy comes from relationships and that is why to overcome it I have chosen to only keep important people in my life.
Once I took the task of evaluation and thinning the crowd, I most certainly ended up in a very good place even without knowing it. The latter also suggested that I take the initiative to surround myself with positive people only! You know what they say, your vibe attracts your tribe. And where the aura is positive, you can never have to worry about jealousy.
12. I evaluate and accept my shortcomings
Apart from evaluating my relationships, I also evaluate my weaknesses. I also remind myself that I am human and that there are plenty of people who are better than me. So, in this life, I get to deal with jealousy by doing my best and not comparing myself to people who are doing better than me.
And just like I said, if I get to interact with someone who is better than me, I don’t feel jealousy. I feel proud of them and I try to be as positive as possible.
13. Handling competition positively can deal with jealousy
Instead of allowing myself to be consumed by jealousy, I get competitive. If I get beaten in a game or in a test, I take that up as a challenge and come back prepared the next time instead of hating the winner. To me, I feel that doing so is way better than being consumed with jealousy.
14. To deal with jealousy issues, you need to stop being stereotypical
I realized that putting people in categories is very dangerous because it always ends up with me having some petty issues with people. So, instead of being stereotypical, I tend to treat people as individuals without judgment or prejudice. That way, you will get to see people for who they really are and understand why they do things, therefore getting rid of the need of harboring any feelings of jealousy.
15. I give the benefit of the doubt
Another effective way that I use to deal with jealousy is by giving my loved ones the benefit of the doubt. When I see my girlfriend enjoying a conversation with a male friend who looks superior to me in every sense of the word, I just take a deep breath and give her the benefit of the doubt.
That way I stop looking for trouble or get all paranoid because, as my grandfather once told me, sometimes you don’t have an enemy until you go looking for one. So, the best thing is to let things be and have a good time instead of worrying about something that is probably nonexistent.
When it comes to jealousy, it’s an emotion that we all have to deal with from time to time. And if you let the emotion dictate your actions, you will end up in worse situations that you’ll regret later. It is, therefore, a good idea for you take your time and learn the importance of dealing with your emotions.
You can take the tips that I personally use to get rid of the emotion or even better, get to carry out your own personal research and be better. Finally, practice makes perfect. So, the more you implement some of my personal tips and add your own, you will get better in time.
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé