For most women, the hardest part about their love life isn’t meeting or establishing an attraction with men, but rather, it’s creating that deep connection and rush of strong emotions and powerful feelings that move things forward from the casual dating stage toward committed, romantic relationships.
This transition can be a pain point for many women who can’t seem to get past point of casually dating — and who can’t, for the life of them, figure out why.
The reason for this isn’t that men are “commitment phobes,” as so many would have you believe. Rather, it’s that a guy just hasn’t felt deeply attached to them on an emotional level.
As we all know, physical attraction fades over time, and it’s the quality of our emotional connection with each other — or the lack thereof — that makes or breaks a relationship
1. Date him for who he is, not for his potential
Everyone wants to be accepted and loved for who they are, but many women make the mistake of dating a guy for his potential, i.e., the man he could become in five years (with your help, of course).
But men aren’t projects. When you have an expectation for a man to change, he feels like you’re not seeing him for who he is. For some men, it could make them feel shame, like they’re not enough. If a guy feels this at the beginning of a relationship, he’ll likely cut and run.
Know what you’re looking for in a guy and find someone who matches that description.
2. Create emotional safety for him.
Creating emotional safety means creating a space where someone can express their thoughts, feelings, and desires without feeling judged. When men refer to a woman as being easy to talk to, they mean that they’re able to say things they typically wouldn’t share with anyone else, because they know they won’t be made to feel judged.
The next time your man is having a bad day, complaining about his frustration with a colleague, or telling you something personal, listen to him without judgment. Know when to fix a problem, when to offer help, and when to simply listen.
3. Keep things light and playful
People remember you based on the experiences you share together. The more positive and fun experiences you share, the more someone associates those feelings with you.
Women tend to jump into relationships, eager to define their status and skipping over many of the fun aspects of dating, while men often take a little longer to decide if they want to pursue the relationship further.
It’s important to keep the beginning of a relationship light and playful, because to a guy, even if he really, really likes you, you’re still just dating.
4. Be vulnerable
The fastest way to create emotional intimacy with someone is to drop your guard and show your vulnerability. When you show someone an unfiltered version of yourself, you’re essentially giving them the key to explore every intimate detail about you, and that’s a huge responsibility.
When you show people your vulnerability, you creating emotional safety for a guy to do the same.
5. Give him space to chase you
Many women panic as soon as they think a guy is pulling away. They panic when a guy doesn’t text or call one day, or if he seems a little distant at dinner.
Scared that their man is pulling away, they will overcompensate for his aloofness by trying to take control of the relationship. They’ll start calling the guy, makes all the plans, generally attempting to lead the relationship where they want it to go.
When this happens, it causes a role reversal, and without either one consciously realizing as it happens, the guy becomes the one being chased.
This shift in dynamic is one many men aren’t comfortable with, and so when faced with this situation, they tend to withdraw even more.
When you create a life you love, you create a life he wants to be part of.
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé